Asking Eric: Coworker’s outfits create conversation, but HR won’t help

Dear Eric A woman who works for me dresses in a provocative fashion We work in a formal professional setting She wore a black lace dress with cleavage on a Monday and I blurted out boy you re dressed up for a Monday Her response was that she had a date that night I get complaints from coworkers that her flesh-baring outfits are distracting and unprofessional I contacted HR and their response was for me to handle it I know you re not meant to comment on appearances and this is a touchy sensitive topic Help Work Attire Dear Attire Ask your HR department for clarification about what they mean when they say you should handle it What does handling it look like Is there a dress code that you can cite And most of importantly by engaging with your coworker about her attire could you potentially create liability issues for yourself or the company Ultimately unless your company has an applicable program that HR can point you toward and that is enforced consistently you d do best to focus your feedback on her job performance If other coworkers have an issue with her style of dress direct them to talk to HR Your coworkers may feel that her style of dress creates a hostile work climate HR requirements this feedback to help create or clarify applicable policies that keep everyone safe Remember that workplace standards should be applied equally to all employees Document any guidance you receive from HR before taking action to protect yourself and your employee Dear Eric I have been in a second marriage for years For the past scarce years I have been concerned that my second husband s story about his first wife may be untrue This is strongly affecting my feelings about him and his adult daughter I am seeing more signs of distrust How can I put my negative suspicions at rest Can I contact the first wife Marital Doubts Dear Doubts It s feasible this is a chicken-and-egg situation as in you may have doubts because of the story or you may be thinking about the story because of doubts that were already working their way through your marriage in other areas Before contacting the first wife ask yourself chosen questions Why do you think this story isn t true Why is this affecting your feelings about your husband s daughter Is it accomplishable they re both telling an untrue story After so long did something happen that changed your thinking Are there other aspects of your marriage that you have doubts about If the story isn t true would that give you cause for concern or indicate that you re unsafe Next talk about your questions and concerns with a friend or other loved one It will be helpful to get another perspective Even if they don t have insight into your husband s story they can help you approach the mental and emotional stress After that the best module of action might be to talk it through with your husband This of unit is dependent on the nature of the story and your friend s feedback I don t like being so general or vague but there are several unknowns here What s largest part key is that you keep yourself safe and loop in someone you trust Dear Eric In the letter from Frustrated Sister-in-Law the writer demanded to know what to do with her brother-in-law constantly asking for her share of the inheritance left to her by her father What she should do is tell him she considered his point-of-view and that she agrees with him that it was not fair that she and her husband received as much as the less wealthy sisters In that light she has donated the entire sum she received to her dad s favorite charity And then thank him for helping her realize the best use of the money that he felt she didn t need or deserve That may quiet him down Regifting Related Articles Asking Eric Friend refuses to get clinical care despite scary features Asking Eric Infidelity makes wedding weekend an awkward affair Asking Eric Young brothers skirmish takes an extreme turn Asking Eric Coworker s oversharing derails workday Asking Eric Pushy in-laws take over family gathering Dear Regifting This gave me a good chuckle It s a creative answer that may not stop his ire but will certainly put the money to better use And I hope the letter writer does consider spreading particular goodness around via donation to worthy causes Another reader pointed out that were the letter writer to acquiesce to her brother-in-law s unreasonable demands the money would be considered a gift and thereby subject to taxes That s not what her father intended either Lastly to the letter writer I want to underscore that your brother-in-law s aggressive behavior is not only an inappropriate intrusion but could indicate an unhealthy dynamic in his marriage to your sister Consider talking with her away from him about the peril of emotional abuse through isolation or even coercive control of finances Remind her that she s not alone and she doesn t have to accept this Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com