Asking Eric: These old photos set me off, and I revealed the truth about their sister

Dear Eric Multiple years ago I was married to a woman who after we divorced admitted she cheated on me with a married man Related Articles Asking Eric My income has doubled since the divorce Do I owe my ex anything Asking Eric My final farewell with a friend left me feeling empty Asking Eric My husband gets paid to do nothing and I can t stand it Asking Eric My son wants me to intercede with the in-laws I don t know what to say Asking Eric Is it OK for an influencer to post these intrusive photos She petitioned for forgiveness and I took her back Nevertheless it didn t work out and fortunately we didn t have kids so it was easy to ultimately get out of the situation I m happily married now and I hear she is too I discovered a few old photos that my mother saved that triggered particular unpleasant memories I contacted my first wife s brother and sister and communicated them that their sister was an adulterer who wrecked two marriages mine and the guy she cheated with The only person who doesn t know is her father who is now an elderly widower On one hand I feel he should know the true story of what happened with his daughter and me On the other hand I think that it s enough that the brother and sister know Should I just drop it and move on Tell dad the real story A Picture and a Thousand Words Dear Picture If you don t move on you re going to be actively inviting the kind of chaos and unhappiness into your life that you sought to escape by leaving your marriage So please don t continue to tell her family members about what she did In fact it s best if you don t communicate with her family at all You re no longer in a relationship so this kind of reaching out isn t appropriate It s understandable that the picture brought back hard feelings but I d encourage you to talk with a friend or with a therapist about how to better manage them Trying to besmirch your ex-wife even with the truth isn t going to make you feel better It s going to create drama and strife for people who aren t involved With respect it sounds like you want revenge Judging from your experience that s a conceivable emotional response but you can t stop there Even if the family reached out to you wondering what went wrong you don t need to engage There are things that are unresolved for you from this marriage but you won t fix them by staying in the conflict Give yourself the gift of freedom by processing what you re feeling finding healthier approaches of managing those feelings and leaving the marriage and its injuries in the past Dear Eric Even before the pandemic I worked a remote job full time from home I have had to deal with people friends family neighbors etc thinking that working from home equals free to do whatever I want whenever I want I get a lot of requests to just go out to lunch in the modern day or let s have an early happy hour or let s go shopping Mostly these come from people who A are retired B have a flexible schedule or C are on shift work that does not take place when I am working I am very dedicated to my work and generally unless I have a therapeutic appointment or something of that nature I am working Therefore in response to these invitations I have explained multiple times that I am working the same eight hours that everyone in an office works but they don t seem to be getting it You can take off just one hour I just keep explaining my hours but I can t be the only one going through this right What does everyone else say that can t be construed as rude Eight-Hour Day Dear Eight-Hour Chosen light rudeness might be in order because these people are just not getting it and at this point it seems intentional OK let s call it pointed directness The shape and nature of remote work varies job-to-job A few people can catch a happy hour or long lunch and not suffer any consequences but greater part others can t Your friends seem to be willfully ignoring this I wouldn t waste any more time and resource trying to explain it If these requests are coming in during the workday you might put those contacts behind your phone s Do Not Disturb feature so you don t have to engage with them until you re clocked out Related Articles Harriette Cole My friends shine so bright that nobody sees me Miss Manners I m baffled by this frequent question about my hair Dear Abby I have a secret second home Do I need to come clean about it now Asking Eric My income has doubled since the divorce Do I owe my ex anything Dear Abby It s like I m living in a movie but not in a good way You might also respond to the next invite with a firm reminder I work the same hours every week I want to see you when I m off but please stop inviting me to do things during the day It makes me feel like you don t respect me The barrier between work and home life can be harder to approach when there s no physical separation But you have a clear internal boundary which works for you and for your job It s healthy to let people know that if they don t respect the boundaries we ve set we sometimes have to remove ourselves for the physical condition of the relationship Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com