Asking Eric: Now wealthier than her ex, woman debates paying more than her share of tuition

Dear Eric My ex-husband and I were on fairly even financial footing when we divorced Our incomes were similar and we split the assets almost down the middle He was a lazy selfish philandering husband but he s a decent dad Losing that pounds of deadweight has freed me up to focus on advancing my career My income has doubled while his has remained relatively stable He doesn t know what I make now I know his salary because it s general information Our child is headed for college this fall We agreed in the divorce that all of our kid s expenses would be split evenly between us I ve been saving and have will have enough for my half of the tuition However the kid earned enough in scholarships that I can easily pay percent of their remaining expenses myself I suspect that even half of the reduced college expenses will be a hardship for my ex I don t know or need want to know how he planned to pay his half of the full tuition if the kid hadn t gotten such notable merit aid I have two options Pay my half and stash whatever is left into a fund for the kid s grad school or first home or whatever launch assist they might need when the time comes After all I have extra because they got scholarships so they should benefit in the long run right This also enables me to respond to any unanticipated expenses that might arise Or offer to cover a larger share even all of it That will mean less no money left at the end for easing the transition into adulthood But it will mean my ex doesn t have to take out loans I assume to meet his obligation Saddling the kid with scholar loans is not in the cards Thoughts Splitting the Bill Dear Splitting Option A I beg of you Firstly not all general information is need-to-know information I d lump your ex-husband s salary and general financial state as squarely in the Don t Need to Know category Thinking through all the angles is kind of you but we can overstep with kindness too Keeping your eyes on your own wallet will be healthiest for you and for the separation Secondly there will definitely be other expenses in your kid s future Unexpected Costs is the name of the meeting in your s So having a fund to help ease the journey through college and into early adulthood will be incredibly helpful Dear Eric My sister-in-law cannot seem to get my name right I first married at age in when you pretty much just took your husband s last name and so I did I went on to have a long teaching career in which you pretty much just go by Mrs Smith My first husband died of cancer after years of marriage Four years later I determined love again and remarried Honestly having been known as Mrs Smith for all those years as an educator it had become my identity I had that name over twice as long as my maiden name So I didn t change my name when I married I ve been married to my new husband for almost five years now and have continued to sign my name on every card every return address every document everything as Mary Smith My sister-in-law continues to address cards to me as Mary Jones She has to know that is not my name I include my Smith name on the return address of every card I send I should also say that she and I possibly have differing opinions on majority things including religion and politics We never discuss either in family gatherings keeping things superficial but congenial when we are together Another birthday card arrived addressed to Mary Jones How wonderful she remembers my birthday How annoying that she addresses it to someone that I am not It is in fact the name of my husband s aunt Do I continue to ignore what has become to me an irritant or should I bring it up at a few point Related Articles Asking Eric Son s older long-distance relationship raises alarm bells Asking Eric With no work to do husband stops engaging in life Asking Eric Facing mortality woman unsure whether it s unfair to get a cat Asking Eric While trying to be an influencer a friend crosses the line Asking Eric Looking for a romantic spark an old friend gets ghosted Name Games Dear Name Games Bring It Up Imagine me chanting that like I m an audience member on a championship show It might be an oversight it might be an intentional slight but either way it s not your name I ve noticed you address me as Mary Jones but I didn t take husband s name I m glad you re so eager to welcome him to the family But no need to update your address book The love is the same no matter the name It may feel like you re urgent the unspoken rule about treating each other s differences with congeniality but this isn t an opinion It s a fact Your name is your name and she can learn it In fact she already did years ago Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com